


Crying is Weakness

by Aeon_Akechi



Category: Persona 5, Persona Series
Genre: Angst with a Happy Ending, Hurt/Comfort, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-07-19
Updated: 2017-07-19
Packaged: 2018-12-04 02:21:00
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,567
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11545437
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Aeon_Akechi/pseuds/Aeon_Akechi
Summary: Akechi Goro was not weak. There was no way he would ever cry.





	Crying is Weakness

**Author's Note:**

> A very early birthday present for my friend Vanitas.

All his life, Akechi Goro had walked along a lonely road. If ever he tripped and fell and grazed his knee, he couldn’t cry – heavens no, he could not cry. Crying was shameful. It was weakness. It was a waste of time.

And so he walked on, enduring. Invulnerable. When the other children pulled his hair and scratched him – when his caretakers screamed at him and beat him – when he was ripped away from a loving home – he did not cry. Crying is for the weak, and Goro is anything but _weak_.

 

For years he searched for his father, Shido Masayoshi. He needed answers. _Who are you? Why did you abandon my mother and me? Do you even know who I am?_

Then one day, he received a gift: the power to enter and manipulate people’s hearts. Using this power he approached his father, and when he met him he was disgusted beyond words. _This man must be taken down_ , he thought.

He devised a plan. He would take Shido to the peak of power, then shove him off the cliff. But to do this, he had to do unsavoury things.

He had to eliminate a human’s Shadow for Shido, and little did he know that meant the death of the real person. He felt disgusted, nauseated, ashamed of himself – but he did not cry. Crying is weakness.

 

Over the months murder became routine. Though Goro’s shame grew no smaller, it became a familiar feeling – he no longer felt the urge to break down over it.

_I don’t want to do this_ , he thought. _But I have to. I have to, to take Shido down._

That’s right, he hated Shido – didn’t he? He hated that loathsome, selfish man. But then, why? Why did he want to jump for joy when Shido praised him? Why did he desire Shido’s affection?

He felt like he was going to be sick. He was _disgusted_ , and confused. But he did not cry. Crying is weakness.

 

Shido pulled strings to get Goro a position as a star detective; he needed his _right-hand man_ to have an influence on the public, after all. The people simply adored him, practically worshipped him, and Goro _loved_ it. The limelight was on him.

However, as time passed he came to realize it was superficial. For the public, he always had to be the perfect, charismatic Detective Prince. If he made one wrong move before the world, they would turn against him.

It hurt, it really did. It _suffocated_. But he did not cry. Crying is weakness.

 

 

The people are two-faced, Goro had realized. They would agree or disagree with you based purely on trends, and ostracize those who went against the flow.

But among the sea of disingenuousness he discovered a speck of honesty. The black-haired boy who spoke to him one June day – Kurusu Akira, his name was – was unafraid to speak his mind, regardless of what others would think.

Needless to say, Goro’s interest was piqued.

As he got to know the boy, he received nothing but honesty. What surprised Goro, though, was that Akira genuinely seemed to _care about him_. It wasn’t superficial adoration like the public or Shido’s false fatherly affection; it was pure, real love.

When Goro came to the café, Akira could make his favourite coffee with no issue even on just his second visit. His smile seemed so warm, so inviting when he talked to him, and Akira was never afraid to speak his mind.

Goro only wished he could return that honesty, that he could pour his heart out to him. But he did not cry. Crying is weakness.

 

A downtrodden feeling set in Goro’s heart as he realized something about Akira: Akira was probably the leader of the Phantom Thieves, Shido’s greatest enemy.

And Shido needed him eliminated.

Goro tried to ignore his heart breaking as he listened to Shido’s cruel plan – set the Phantom Thieves up to grow popular, then frame them for a high-profile murder. Following that, Goro would infiltrate them, and get their leader jailed – at which point, he would sneak in and kill him.

He wanted to be sick, he wanted to hide where nobody could find him, he wanted to bawl his eyes out –

But he did not cry. Crying is weakness.

 

Meeting with Akira grew glum, and Akira noticed; however, there was no way Goro could reveal the truth. He lied that he hadn’t slept or eaten much, but he could tell Akira knew he was lying. The guilt weighed heavy on his heart.

_Why?!_ he asked himself. _Why are you doing this to him?! Lying to him, even though he loves you?_

_I don’t love him_ , Goro lied to himself. _He’s – he’s nothing more … than a stepping stone. A stepping stone toward my revenge._

Deep down, he knew he was lying. But still he did not cry. Crying is weakness.

 

 

Months passed, and Shido’s plan went smoothly. Goro stole his way into the Phantom Thieves, in the company of two girls whose parents had died because of him – whose parents _he had killed_.

And still he enjoyed every second of it. Goro was disgusted, ashamed of himself. But he did not cry. Crying is for the weak.

 

In the subterranean passages leading to Akira’s cell, Goro’s heart was stormy with emotions: trepidation, anxiety, doubt, worry, and even a disgusting speck of excitement. He made his way to Akira’s cell, said some hollow, meaningless words, and –

Shot him. The deed was done; Kurusu Akira would never again steal a heart. He would never again make Goro’s favourite coffee at the café, or smile so warmly as he spoke to him, or –

Goro did not cry. He didn’t _cry_ ; what are you talking about?

 

When he reported his success, Shido gave him such glowing praise that he could have leaped for joy. It was sickening; he shouldn’t be _happy_ after what happened.

But why shouldn’t he be? He didn’t care about that black-haired boy, after all.

His eyes stung, but he didn’t cry. He wasn’t weak.

 

Spying on the inside of Shido’s Palace, Goro discovered that Akira was still alive. It should have filled him with joy, but circumstances were his enemy. _If I don’t kill him – if I don’t kill them, I can’t have my revenge. I don’t care about him anyway._

With this in mind, he confronted the Phantom Thieves, using every trick at his disposal – and he lost.

Still, the Phantom Thieves seemed to want him to rejoin them. He didn’t, couldn’t understand it. Why would they want _Akechi Goro_ , of all people? Why did they want a murderer and a liar?

It made him want to burst down in tears, but he did not cry.

 

Deep down, though, he knew he wanted to be back among them, though he didn’t deserve it. It disgusted him, but by this point he had accepted that he was disgusting.

But just as he tried to take their offer, Shido’s twisted cognition of his appeared. A puppet, purely motivated by Shido’s praise and affection, who would live and die for Captain Shido – and it horrified Goro that he could see the truth in it.

In a suicidal move, he took it down and saved the Phantom Thieves, but he himself could not be saved. As he lay there dying, he thought, _Maybe this is what I wanted all along_. He didn’t cry, of course.

 

‘Hm? Where am I?’ Goro muttered aloud as he awoke. _Is this … the afterlife? No, wait, this is –_

The front of the Diet Building?! He had no idea how, but he still lived. He had mixed feelings on this.

For days, he wandered the Tokyo streets; it was easy to avoid recognition looking so unkempt and without his make-up. He wanted, more than anything, to go to Café Leblanc – but there was no way he could show his face to Akira. Not after everything.

Then, that Christmas Eve, he beheld a bizarre spectacle: The entire world seemed to morph into Hell itself, and nobody noticed but him.

Over time, more people began to notice, and soon the cause became apparent. The Phantom Thieves fought against a wicked god, the fate of the world hanging in the balance –

And they won. Truly, Goro never had any right to be part of such a great group.

He felt ashamed of himself, but he did not cry.

 

That Christmas day, he gathered his courage and arrived at Café Leblanc. He had to apologize.

He arrived, saw Akira, and cleared his throat. ‘Akira, I –‘

Akira dropped his cleaning brush at the sight of him. ‘Akechi! You’re alive!’

Before Goro could even react, Akira pulled him into a hug and kissed him. He gave himself to the kiss, but he was bewildered.

When the kiss ended, Goro tried to speak. ‘Huh? I thought – Akira – but, I –‘

Akira put a finger on Goro’s lips. ‘I don’t hate you, Goro. I understand you.’

Suddenly Goro felt the urge to cry. But there was no way he –

‘Well, anyway, I guess you’re my Christmas present,’ said Akira with a teasing smile.

Goro started to _bawl_ , crying and laughing. He was filled with confusion and anxiety, but also hope. He leaned over on to Akira and cried on his shoulder, and Akira wordlessly held him and rubbed his back.

_Maybe_ , he thought, _maybe crying isn’t so bad._


End file.
